god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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