My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Drunk is not a location!
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