The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Randomize
