gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
