That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
