Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Holy sore nipples Batman
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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