Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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