It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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