I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
