ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
