I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
