The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
