The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
My legs feel like baby dolphins
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
