i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
