only if we run a train.
done.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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