at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
