I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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