im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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