I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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