In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
