We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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