my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
