We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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