I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Randomize
