So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
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