I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
