i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
He uses pillows to masturbate.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Randomize
