I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
