im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
