She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
