Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
This toilet bowl is my home.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
