I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Randomize
