she woke up with a sticky ear
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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