the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
