Define "chronic" masturbator.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Four minutes until I can fart!
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
