I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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