weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
