You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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