I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
