She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
