He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
