All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
