guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
