but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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