i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
