I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
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