look no pants
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Randomize
