I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
