ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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