So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize