there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
