dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
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