i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Randomize
