And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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