oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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