u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
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