I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
