Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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