taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
