I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
