Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
