Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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