He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
My life is pants optional.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
