Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
